Flash Backward

You know that show, Flash Forward? Where everyone blacks out and sees their future? Recently I have been in a Flash Backward. I don't black out, but serious zoning happens. And in an instant I am sitting back in St. Anns with my midwife throwing an almost dead puppy on top of my chest, cutting his umbilical cord in lightening speed and the NICU staff whisking him away.

"It's okay, it's just wimpy white boy syndrome," she said... oh how I wish.

Flash.

"We are going to need to transfer him, he's suffering extensive brain damage"

Flash

Seeing my precious boy, swollen, hooked up to machines, and cold to the touch.

Flash

"His MRI showed more brain damage, we believe he suffered a stoke a month prior to birth."

The flashes keep coming, in times of quiet, in times where I am alone. I sit and wonder, when will they stop?